General Psychology Psychiatry Psychologists Thinkers Crib

Psycology » Articles » Child Psychology » And if we are good parents?

It would hardly be a mistake to assume that the issue of concern to all those who have children. And if one of the parents say that it does not never sets, so the answer to it has long been known and are quite satisfied. Perhaps this man tormented strong fear that the answer will be joyless and it is better not to know ...

Here is how one mother, a teacher by profession, their experiences related to this issue: "Talking with students' parents, I often wondered what they take in arms even the most innocuous observations and recommendations relating to their child. My own son was serving then last days before "the publication," ie, kindergarten, and I have not been familiar with those feelings that can cause social assessment of maternal activity. And what do you think? My surprise on parental reactions have passed since the first communication with kindergarten teacher, when I was with the claim in his voice, it was stated: "Your child is totally discourteous! He did not know how to behave! "Suppressing the first horror and protest, I wondered what had happened. Turns out he clinked glasses with neighbors yogurt on the table. I took a breath of relief, but this horror:" How? My child? "And protested:" No, this can not be! "I remember all my life." Why do adults have questioned the quality of their parenting and at the same time so sensitive about outside perspective? Not because they do not believe in yourself, untenable or do not understand anything in life. Rather, it comes from the awareness of the enormous responsibility that automatically falls on the shoulders of parents at the birth of the child. Moreover, it is "healthy" and well adapted to the needs of society a person is important that his work was qualitative and received recognition from the side. Many of today's adults know that they can count on the respect of other people, if they do their job well. It would be logical to categorize "things" such an important duty as raising a child. This is especially true for women, who often leave their jobs to take care of the baby. However, not everything is so simple.

Required complexity

With the first you will encounter when you try to define criteria for assessing their (or someone else) of the parent activity. For the doctor "good" mother is one in which the child healthy, for teachers - one in which he is a diligent and intelligent, for a coach - active for neighbor - quiet. In this case your mother in law thinks you are hopeless, as the grandson of three years does not know how to tie shoelaces, and your mom horrified by what and how you feed your baby ...

Ideas about how and what should parents do to be "good" are formed in early childhood under the influence and in the image of mom and dad. But subsequent life constantly brings about changes, and there is nothing surprising in the fact that the criteria for a good education in all its. But here's the problem: thinking about how we should act, and disputes with relatives on how best to proceed, can permanently distract you from your baby.

The second difficulty lies in the fact that the success of your parent activity determined by evaluating your baby. Why do parents need to be good? Of course in order to raise, good kids! And then, how much you took as a mother or father, is determined not only by the efforts that you put to achieve the result, but also to the result, that is a child. And here you will find a trap. If your parent consistency is directly related to what you baby grows, you will be hard to notice its shortcomings, the inevitable difficulties, "weak" side. Indeed, the very existence of the problems that your child will automatically mean that you - a bad mother (father) and bad cope with their responsibilities. Who wants to admit it, especially if you invest in the education of a lot of time and effort? As a result, you no longer sober assessment of what is happening with the baby, can not keep up with the problems and leave the kid alone with the difficulties.

Pitfalls on the road to perfection

There is nothing wrong with that child will grow up healthy, smart, diligent, purposeful, polite neighbors, have fun with friends and caring parents. However, in pursuit of this result, you risk stop taking life as a "unique moment" and begin to evaluate everything that happens on a "good-bad", "right - wrong," "should be - should not be." Moreover, you will equate a child on the same scale, "You have to conform to what is good, right and must be eradicated in himself and his behavior is that bad, wrong and should not be." Unfortunately, this will interfere with a child you live quietly, without notice, at what price given its favorable view of the baby, and will be sure that he knows about your love.

Meanwhile, the child decides that his true desires and feelings (especially the "bad" and "wrong") and no one cares what his inner world, original and sometimes wonderful ideas, vision of the world are not interesting and do not need. And that his main task - to do their job well, namely to be a good boy or a share - a girl.

Perhaps, in this case, you will receive a confirmation of its parent consistency, but you will lose the unique world of the other person the opportunity to see how it appears in the baby grows, filled with color and life. Accustomed to be "right" and "good", the child will lose their sense of value and uniqueness. And along with it - the meaning and joy of life.

Moreover, the pursuit of perfection will stop you just like your child. Focusing on how to do everything correctly, you will hardly be able to notice their own baby, to feel it and understand what he is trying to tell you what he really wants and what he needs.

© 2008-2021 Psychology online.: en, es, de, fr, cz